What Have You Learned?

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should change about my partner…

Their last name, their address, and the way they feel about men…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should be to my partner…

Their spiritual leader, their security, and their best friend…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should say to a my partner…

I love you, I got you, and don’t worry about a thing…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should give to my partner…

My last name, my ring, and my everything…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should accept from my partner…

Their children, their prayers, and their heart…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should listen for in my partner…

Their dreams, their thoughts, and their cries…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should see in my partner…

Their value, their loyalty, and their smile…

I’ve learned there are 3 things I should cherish in my partner…

Their laughter, their kisses, and their love.


Withdrawal Symptoms

With my new marching orders, I have done a pretty good job of eating better.  The only backsliding I have done was last weekend at Dragon Con, and that is just the nature of a Con.  But something I had not thought about until I talked to Smoochie earlier today.  I have had no withdrawal symptoms.

Earlier today, I needed to take some moving supplies to a friend, and since I was rushing a bit, I didn’t get to eat lunch, which was going to be the roast beef and stuff that I made last night.¬† So I stopped at Chick-Fil-A and grabbed some nuggets.¬† Chick-Fil-A has some really good nuggets, but what I noticed is that I could not eat them.¬† Nothing was wrong with them, they were not bad, they were not cold.¬† They were hot and looked wonderful.¬† But When I tried to eat them, my body just said no.¬† No vomiting or anything, but they just were not appealing.¬† I knew eventually my body would adjust to the new eating habits, but I was not expecting it to be this fast.

Also, what happened to my withdrawal symptoms?¬† I have not had any really massive cravings no have I just had to have some junk food.¬† My body’s only way of telling me that something is different, and this might be TMI, but my body is sending me to the bath room more often to take a dump.¬† As if my body is saying, “hold up homie, where is what we used to eat?¬† What is this new stuff?”¬† At some point my body will adjust and this will be the norm.

I just thought it was interesting that I was not having any of the cravings and other physical issues that people have suggested come with a change in diet.¬† And these were all from people who experienced the physical issues of withdrawal.¬† Of course it’s only been 2 weeks, and maybe my body has not yet noticed, and it’s going to hit me hard at some point.¬† Who knows.¬† Let’s just stay on this path and find out what happens.

Gotta Get My Head Back In The Game

So I have been out of the hospital for almost 2 weeks, and physically, I am in good health.  I really do feel like a new man.  Mentally, I have not had why head in the game.  I warmed up a bowl of soup in the microwave, and tried to pick it up.  Forgetting that stone conducts heat, I burned a couple of my fingers.  Not severely, but bad enough to make me remember basic physics.

At Dragon Con this weekend, I was so off my game.  Got lost trying to get to a few panels and did not do a good job of being a proper guide for a friend who was attending for the first time.

So all that I ask is that you all give me some time to get my head back in the game. ¬†Realizing your own mortality, realizing you almost died, that can do some strange things to you. ¬†I’ll be fine in a few days, but just be patient with me.

A Few Days In The Hospital

So yeah, the title really tells you what this one is about.  Some of the details will not be exact, since I did not write this as soon as it happened, but this is the meat of the story.

So on Saturday the 18th I woke up and knew I was sick.  I was shivering, had diarrhea, and a lot of vomiting.  Around 2:00 p.m. I had a temperature of 102.  So Tia gave me some extra strength Tylenol, thinking that would help get the fever down.  And in normal situations, it would.  While taking it, she told me if my fever got really bad, I had two options.  Get in the ambulance or get in her truck to go to the Hospital.

Tia brought me some soup and crackers, with some ginger ale.  I was not able to hold it down.  I spent a lot of time on the bathroom floor hugging the porcelain bowl as well as sitting on the porcelain bowl.  It was a really shitting Saturday.

Come 8:30, Chris comes up stairs and we find out my temperature and it is 103.7. ¬†At 104, brain damage can occur, as well as organ failure. ¬†And I love my brain way too much to let anything happen to it. ¬†Chris goes downstairs to tell Tia what my temperature is, and I begin to get dressed. ¬†At this point, I know I’m going to the hospital, I’m not even going to fight it.

So Tia takes me to the ER, and drops me off to go park the car. ¬†The lady at the admissions desk asks me some questions, I tell her my fever is 103.7, and she presses the button, and says, “oh, you can come on around now.” ¬†They know this is much worse than I am aware of. ¬†Tia makes her way in and has to look for me, because they took me back so fast. ¬†LOL

So they are checking my vitals and asking me questions.  They ask me if I had any pain, and for the first time in a long time, I actually had some pain.  I told them about the pain in my left leg, that extended from my groin to my calf.  The nurse made a strange face, and continued taking her notes.

They stick me and take some blood, then send me off to make them a urine sample. ¬†So a few hours go by and they finally come back with the news that they are admitting me…at 3:30-ish in the morning. ¬†I;’m not happy, but I know it must be serious.

So I finally make my way to a room, they take more blood, and start me on a saline drip. ¬†After a few hours my temp goes down and I start to feel better. ¬†The nurses & doctors have also scheduled a series of x-rays to find out what is going on with the pain in my leg. ¬†I didn’t think anything of it, as I attributed the pain to the odd positions I was on most of the day on the bathroom floor.

So they take some x-rays of my legs, my chest, and my abdomen. The x-rahys reveal that I have a large blood clot…remember when I said my leg was hurting from my groin down to my calf. ¬†Yeah, that big. ¬†So they immediately put me on a blood thinner, as well as an aggressive round of antibiotics. ¬†The doctors said that what was going on with me was caused by an infection of some sort. ¬†The x-rays also revealed something strange about my kidneys. ¬†That it appeared as if I passed a kidney stone. ¬†The doctor said it must have been a small one since I never felt any pain when passing it.

So over the next few days my temperature gets back to normal, I complained and bitched a lot about all the poking and taking blood, the blood clot begins to clear, and the antibiotics did their job.  This was my first time being admitted to the hospital and I hope it is the last.  I was talking to the doctors during one of the times they saw me, and the realization that I could have died had I not went to the hospital sat in.  I probably would not have died that night, but easily within the next few weeks had I not gone to get checked out.

After being discharged, I packed up and started to head out of my hospital room, but on the way out, the bandage they had where one of the IV’s came loose. ¬†And being on the blood thinner has me not clotting as fast as normal. ¬†So when the bandage comes off, I start bleeding. ¬†It’s not gushing, but it’s running down my arm, and there is a lot of it. ¬†And I am happy to report that the sigh of my own blood does not bother me. ¬†LOL

So yeah, that is where I am right now.  Thankful to be alive, on blood thinners for the next 6 months, and trying to get my head back in the game.

Moral of the story, go to the doctor when you don’t feel well. ¬†Go once a year for your check up, and talk to people, let them know what is going on with you so that you are not going through something alone.

Safety Glasses

So we found out last week that because of the chemicals that are used in our labs, there will be some safety spot checks later this year, and then randomly to make sure people are practicing proper lab safety.  We work with a lot of chemicals, and there have been some explosions and leaks in some of the labs.  they are labs, and that is going to happen from time to time.IMG_3279

So even I am now required to put on a pair of safety glasses when I go in the labs. ¬†It’s no big deal to me, my attitude is, what works tells me to do at work, I do it, as long as I have no strong moral objection to what I am being told to do.

I had to pick up some surplus equipment this week and some of it had locks on it, and no keys were found. ¬†Honestly, I didn’t look that hard, because I was itching to use my new safety glasses. ¬†ūüôā ¬†So I grabbed the bolt cutters and began breaking locks. ¬†And yes, I am glad that I now have safety glasses, because while breaking the locks, a few pieces did fly back and hit me in the face. ¬†Mostly because of the way I was breaking the bolts. ¬†ūüôā

Moral of the story, even computer people need safety glasses. ¬†ūüôā

Sometimes I Forget That I Am An Adult

…and not in the way that you think. ¬†I have undergone a few transitions in my life. ¬†There was once a time where I was just a raging ball of anger and people didn’t like being around me. ¬†And those that did, they have no idea the amount of love I have for them, for putting up with me during a time where I was the worst kind of ass hole.

That being said, I can actually see that I am not that person any longer. ¬†I can actually see the person I am now, and how that person was shaped by they person I used to be. ¬†While I am no longer the ranging ball of anger I used to be, make no mistake. ¬†If you fuck with me or anyone I care about, I will still fuck you up, you just won’t see it coming. ¬†ūüôā ¬†And that is probably the way it should be.

What prompted this was a post that a friend of mine made about distance relationships.  My answer even shocked me a bit.  Not because I am not capable of giving good advice, not that I think I am better than anyone else, but sometimes I forget that I can be quite a deep person who can speak volumes about lots of things.  The old me was limited to a narrow range of topics.  Now that may have been self imposed or it was just a function of who I was at the time.  Either way, I have come a long way in a medium length of time.

I am very¬†proud of myself. ¬†And if you don’t think I should be, you can go fuck yourself. ¬†ūüôā

Being Selfish

I’ve been making some changes to my blog. ¬†And as I have been cleaning thins up, I found this post still sitting in the draft folder. ¬†It’s from December 1, 2011. ¬†I don’t remember whose blog I was reading, but what this blog says is still true today. ¬†And you know what, that shit stops today. ¬†I’ve got to do a better job of taking care of myself. ¬†lastMeme


As I sit here at lunch reading a friends blog, I have learned some interesting things about her. ¬†I have also realized something very interesting about myself. ¬†I never learned how to be selfish. ¬†I look back on my life, and every decision I have made, was made with so that the end result allowed me to help someone else. ¬†There has never been a decision that only benefited me. ¬†Now, I am 33 years old….damn, I’m 33, that is another post to be made….but at 33, I am going to try and make decisions that benefit me, and me alone.

I hope this goes well.  Not that I want to be a selfish person, but I need to learn how to take care of me, and not be the SuperHereo for everyone else.


A Promise

So I was talking to TB today, hell I talk to TB almost everyday.  Not sure if she knows it or not, but she one of my best friends, and someone I consider to be very close to.  Our conversations will at times revolve around the trials and tribulations of a single mother.  Things that I have no idea about, but somehow I manage to give good advice.

This really makes me appreciate having both of my parents in my life growing up.  After taking some time and thinking about having both parents in my life, not just in my life, but married and in the same house, I realized that if I ever have any kids, they will never know what it is like for me not to be in their life, for as long as I am alive.

To the future mother of my children, whether you are my wife, or just my girlfriend, I’m making a promise to you right now. ¬†I promise that my children will never have to ask you when will I come around to see them. ¬†They will never have to wonder why their father is not at their games, recital, plays, or any other event that happens in their life. ¬†This is a promise you can take to the bank, and will not have to hold me accountable to.

Spend Time With Your Family

Today was an interesting day.  For a lot of you, it was a typical Sunday, not so much for me.  I have not seen my mom in a while, and that is my fault for being too busy and not making the time.  Today, she, my sister, and I went to dinner and just hung out for a while.

It was cool because before my dad died, all of us would get together either on Sunday or Saturday and have dinner and just do things that families do.  So today was a pretty fun, as we ate and talked about what was going on and a good time was had.

We need to be sure to do this more often. ¬†I’m a pretty private person, well, somewhat private when it comes to my family. ¬†I don’t really talk about them much, and I am thinking about changing that. ¬†It helps me to keep my focus and to remember all the good things in life. ¬†We’re not a¬†particularly¬†close family, so when we do things, together, I like to remember them.

I guess the point I am making is that family is important.  Weather that family be blood relation, family by marriage, or just people you have in your life who you deem worthy of being family, they are all important people.  Never forget that.

Spend time with your family. ¬†Get to know them if you don’t know them very well. ¬†Family is all that some of us have, and it’s a shame not to make the most of them.

Commercialism Is Not Always Bad

Today is Valentine’s Day, some love it, some hate it, some don’t have anything one way or the other to say about it. ¬†I used to hate it, but lately I’ve been¬†reassessing¬†a lot of things in my life. ¬†And today was a great chance for self examination and growth.

For those of you who hate this day because of the commercialism that has been added on to it, that is fine.  You go ahead and hate the day.  I used to be you, so I know some of the bull shit that you will use as your excuse.  For those who say it is just padding the pockets of the 1% who control the greeting card industry, that same argument can be made for the shoes on your feet, and the food you buy at the grocery store.  Are you going to stop wearing shoes and stop grocery shopping?  I think not.

Tonight I was reminded of what the day really means.  Wait, 1st and foremost, I have always been, and will always be a man who makes it a point to show those that he loves, that he loves them, all year long.  Over dinner tonight, and it was damn good food, I had the pleasure of some great company.  The conversations that we had reminded me of a few things.

  1. Always show & tell your loved ones that you love them.  It is amazing that we forget this simple act.
  2. Kiss those that you love.  And I am not talking about some long drawn out kiss where you are trying to clean out their throat, but  sometimes just a simple kiss can convey a lot of things.
  3. Hug people¬†dammit. ¬† I love being hugged and l love to hug. ¬†It’s a great way to convey a message to someone. ¬†Do it more often.

The time that we have is precious. ¬†Don’t waste it. ¬†I know it sounds a bit¬†cliche, but you have to make the most of every moment that we have with people. ¬†I said it earlier, and I’ll say it again, show your loved ones that you love them ALL YEAR LONG.